The Autism Mom and Motherless Daughter

My earliest memory of my dad was when I was in kindergarten.  I was always so fearful of him because he seemed as if he were 7 feet tall, in reality only 5'8". I had gotten my ears pierced without his knowledge and my mom and aunt had to make sure he wouldn't find out.  Thank goodness for long hair.  But of course he found out.  That same day. He had come home from work and in all my excitement to see him, I jumped up to kiss him on the cheek.  And then he saw it. My ears. Pierced!  OLD SCHOOL STYLE!!!!!!  (i.e hot needle and thread.)  What were those two thinking??????!!!!!!!!!!!!!????????  I don't even think I felt the pain of his ripping the threads out of my ears.  In two quick moves, snatch, snatch.  Needless to say, my mom and aunt got an earful. It was on that day that I knew, my dad was not the one! He was always a family man, but strict and stern.  As his youngest, I was the one he watched the closest.  I had 4 older brothers whom lived at home and the

Last  night was one of those nights that I went to bed feeling defeated.  I hadn't done that in a long time.  I've grown accustomed to my situation and this world of autism that is still so baffling.  But for some reason, I got set off again. Last month Chloe got diagnosed with PDD-NOS.  It wasn't a shock to me as I watched her developmental milestones like a hawk since birth sensing something would be wrong with her.  Wrong with her? Is that a proper assessment?  But I just hoped that I would be wrong and she would be ok.  Ok meaning normal? Ok meaning not like Daniel? Now I have two kids on the spectrum and it is a lot to handle for me to handle. Me meaning me. The husband is in denial.  Me, who everyone thinks is so great.  I hate to break it to you folks, I'm not that great. So as I laid in bed thinking about my kids, I just cried and cried and cried. So I've come up with a list as to why I HATE AUTISM: 1.  I hate that it has never given my children la