The beginning

DJ was diagnosed with PSS-NOS in May 2010. PDD-NOS is a pervasive developmental disorder, off the Autism Spectrum. Yes, folks. Autism. I thought to myself at the time, "How the hell did that happen?" It was horrifying. The only person I knew with autism at the time was my nephew. I lent encouraging words to my brother when his child was diagnosed. I gave him all the pep talks in the world and then it happened to my family, 2 years later.

I was 4 moths pregnant with my youngest, struggling through pregnancy while juggling an out of work husband, a preschooler and DJ, a toddler. Then they tell he's autistic! Damn!

How'd my husband take it, you ask? I still don't know. It's a bitter pill to swallow. The only boy in our pretty little family, what would become of him?

Would he be the suave young adult breaking hearts whenever he lands? Would he become a professional athlete and have millions of adoring fans? A young entrepreneur? All those dreams I had when I first found out I was having a boy, down the drain.

I mean how could those dreams I had for him come true now. Now I worry about, will he ever say his first word?" Will he ever socialize with other children?  Is he damaged goods now?

Cold hearted and selfish of me? Maybe. But I'm honest with myself, always.  If you anything about me, you know that my kids are my everything. And my boy. My beautiful baby boy. How can mommy protect you now?


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