Regressed.  I hate that word. It's dirty, sinful, and heartbreaking. I saw that word today on Daniel's 3 month report from school written by his teacher.  REGRESSED.  I saw it blazing on the page and I couldn't even focus on any other word nor did I fully comprehend anything else.

"Daniel has regressed since returning to school in September." ~quote from Teacher

I know. I know that. Don't you think I know that. I'm with him all the time. I AM his mother for Pete's sake. Don't you think I know that my son who was doing so beautifully during the summer, vocalizing 4 words, interacting with his peers, eating on his own is now doing NONE of the above?

It's so frustrating! I was so hopeful this summer secretly praying that he would continue to flourish and then he wouldn't be so far behind. Maybe he'd try to string together a sentence by the holidays. Foolish of me to think that. I put all my eggs in one basket not realizing that the basket had this HUGE hole in it. I can get so blinded with hopefulness. So naive.

Regressed. Daniel will begin Kindergarten in exactly 9 months.  Do you know how damaging regressing is at this point? On top of looking for schools that will appropriately address his needs, I have to pull myself out of regression's grasp in order to help Daniel improve.  And let me tell you, being in a funk is no fun. You stop pushing yourself to fight for what your child needs and fight your child to continue to push himself.  Then on top of everything else this family is dealing with!

"I don't know how you do it." ~quote from a dear friend

I don't know how I do it either.  I don't know how I WILL do it.  When Daniel was first diagnosed, I didn't see the light at the other end of the tunnel. Then for a brief moment, during this summer, I saw it. And now, poof.



Popular posts from this blog

Month 4 (A Motherless Daughter)

A Year of Firsts

1 year later. A letter to my Mother.