A Memory

I can bring tears to your eyes; resurrect the dead, make you smile, and reverse time.  I form in an instant but I last a life time. What am I?

If you were to ask me to live in this moment, you would see that my moment is dark and dreary.  It's very lonely in my space even though many people are here with me too.  In my heart, however, I feel alone in this process and it has been taxing.  But as is life, the way to heal is to move forward. Supposedly. My pep talk to myself every morning is, "You can do this." Every morning.

How can you live in your mother's house? How can you see her things? How can you cook in her kitchen? "You can do this."

How can you wake up every morning? How do you not cry for her all day? How can you live? "You can do this. You can live this day. You got this."

"You got this. You got this. You got this."

"I can't. I'm breaking down."

"You got this. You got this. You got this."

"I can't breathe. The pain is too much."

"You got this. You got this. You got this."

"I can't see. The hurt is blinding."

And then, "No llores. Nena, no llores."

My mother never wanted to see me, or anyone, sad or upset about anything. Even in her death, I can hear her in my mind saying to me, "Don't worry about me. I'm okay. Get up and go live your life."

I often put myself in my mother's shoes and wonder, "What if it had been me? What will happen when eventually it is me? How would I want my family to be without me? How could I help them move on?"

My Darlings,
Don't shed a tear for me for I am alright
Live your life and keep me close to your heart
See me smiling in the sun that warms you
Feel me close in the tears that remember me
Let the memories that we share be my last gift to you
Because with them we will never be truly apart

Photo cred: D.F.L.


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